i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
