Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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