Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
