Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
