I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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