just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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