OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
