Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
