I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
