Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
50% drunk capacity currently
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
