Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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