I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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