the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i will never coherently bang her
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
