TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
