In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
