I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
