Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
