My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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