We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize