Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
