glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize