he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
