oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
