On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i can't believe i had my finger in that
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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