I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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