Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
What a dumb baby whore.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
