Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
