i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
