I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
