I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
