You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
