you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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