it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
