did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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