you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
