Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
