I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize