I wanna passion pit in your ass
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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