JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She's the barista slut.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
