don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
they need to just BURY HIM!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
