I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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