We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
