Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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