I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
