New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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