Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
