Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
