If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
