I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
