I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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