Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
