I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
