don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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