I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
