Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
whose parrot is this?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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