"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
