matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
