She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
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