dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
