You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
