theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
