Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
