Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Still dying that you shit outside
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize