After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
