Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
