perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
