I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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