I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
