the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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