the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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