please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
