You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
