I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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