Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
