she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
