my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
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