u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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