Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The best revenge is premature balding
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
