there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize